CRIMEWATCH UK

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**camera cuts to Police Officer**

[officer is floating about 2 inches off the studio floor – director notices and pans the camera up a bit to avoid freaking out the viewers]

” Helloooooooooooooooooo, Chief Inspector Ham C Hock here.” (Related? – ed)

“On September 2nd at around 3pm a gang of 12 Asian men, aged between 25 to 30, attempted an abduction of an 18 year old Pakistani women.  The assault took place Holland Park, West London in plain view of the public.

Because of the nature of the brazen assault, we are appealing for your help in identifying the 10 men shown in the cctv footage on your screen now.

As you can see, the 4 black men in their 40s, started taunting the elderly male victim at around 6am before they dragged him or her or it, toward the back of a Ford Transit / Vauxhall Nova, where the remaining gang members, two Irish, east-Asian cysgender amputees waited with the engine running.

At 9pm, CCTV caught the moment that the group of  time travelling cyborgs grabbed hold of the poltergeist, forcing it to reveal itself to our dark lord Satan in the back of Ford Focus.

Early reports suggest the gang may be 3 white men, hiding inside 7 black eunochs, pretending to be 43 middle-eastern women martians, trained as white uzi-toting pensioners, dressed as green middle-aged Mexicans. They may not have been an organised gang but uncertainly weren’t convention cosplayers on random bicycles at twelfty-past none o’clock.

Given that this crime took place in plain view, and at 25 o’clock in the afternoon, we are hoping the public will be able to help us identify both the criminal gang and the victim(s).

If you have any information, please do not hesitate in coming forward.”

[camera cuts to curious close up of the officer’s face]

“Please help me. They have almost finished devouring me.  I am but a hollow vessel for my masters.”

[policemen drops to the floor, his body rapidly decays and dries, then live on camera an ancient spirit leaves the officer’s desicated body, screaming and floats away]

**credits roll**

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One thought on “CRIMEWATCH UK

  1. DrHamHock says:

    To be fair, this is a pre-iplayer episode.

    Like

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