Have you ever peeped through next door’s letter box?
Ever sweated through next door’s letterbox? I mean properly dripped through it? Like pushed you face right up to the flap scrapped off the moisture? Maybe did some squats, get the heart rate up, so you’re PROPERLY DRENCHED?
Then pushed both sets of fingers into the letterbox and scrubbed them on the brushes? And scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed until they heated up? Hotter and hotter?
Ever undressed and pushed all your clothes through their letterbox? Belt, then shirt, then trousers, then socks, then underpants? Shoes didn’t fit through. I MEAN shoes wouldn’t fit through, so you’d have to leave them on the doorstep with a little note attached saying, “I’m sorry, but my wife left me and I’m having some kind of breakdown”?
Ever had the police knock on your door? Explaining that you’d been caught on CCTV, vandalising a letterbox? Naked?
In disbelief, have you even been shown said “hypothetical” cctv footage only to see a dead-ringer for you, hunched, naked, bending over at your neighbour’s front door, with the camera directly behind you, so it looks like you are a shaved goat, presenting itself for copulation?
Well have you?
Just asking for a friend, like.