Monthly Archives: November 2014

“Things What I can See” #1 MY BIN


It’s the feature you’ve (all?) been waiting for since the mind-blowing, “12 THINGS JULIANNE MOORE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT”.

You know how things work here.  If you get to the bottom drop a comment to let me know.  Nobody gets to the bottom of my features. It’ll be quite a feat.


An empty packet of Chocolate Hobnobs nestled next to an empty box of Mr Kipling Black Forest Whirls.  Brought to work as left-overs from the weekend.  We had friends round and, when “entertaining” (keeping other people’s kids from smashing our flat up) we are allowed to buy nice things .  These yummy leftovers were brought in to share with work colleague as, if THEY don’t eat them, I’ll eat them.  I’ll eat all of them and get fat.  Like MASSIVE.  I’d rather my colleague got all fat instead (they never will, the fast-metabolising bastards).

A crumpled up yellow post-it which had a very well-crafted swirl drawn on one face.   This was to test the effectiveness of a red ball-point-pen.  I’m happy to announce that the test was successful and the red ball-point pen worked a treat.  I have no idea what I needed the pen for.  If I needed to test the pen in order to draw a swirl on a post-it note then somewhere around my desk there’s ANOTHER post-it with a red swirl on.

Finally, a paper coffee cup branded Starbucks.  It had coffee in it.  I didn’t actually BUY a Starbucks coffee – I’m not a complete wanker – there’s a coffee machine in the office which uses Starbucks cups.  They even have lids and those card “wraps” to stop the cups burning your fingers.  As winter draws in I might start selling some of these out on Regent Street.  What I really need is for my employers to launch another big product and I could make a killing; shilling free-to-me coffee to the queuing consumers.  Maybe £1 a time.

Leaning over and rummaging through the bin I notice a quite marvellous sight.  The bin (a silver metal mesh formed in an oval) is lined with a translucent polythene bag.  But here’s the fun bit – YOU CAN SEE MORE BAGS underneath the lining bag.  If ever the bin-liner reserves run low, I’ll be able to take measures to replenish the bags.  Win Win Win Win.

NB: You may notice from the photograph that there is a rogue item in the bin – an apple core.  Unfortunately this was added too-late in the day to quality for “Things What I Can See” and has been omitted from the final article.