Monthly Archives: March 2011

Dear DrHamHock…

Dear DrHamHock,
My boyfriend’s penis is too large and it hurts when we make love.  So much so that I am thinking of giving him a shove.  Allow me to expand on the point.  Or not as the case may be.
Sporty footballer boyfriend Harry “Big Boy” Barry is happy as Larry with everybody knowing of his massive members club.  Showering in sports changing room, not much room.  His hunk of trunk wears the soap.  The local football team panting between tackles riding sliding tackles leaving a single deep track in the grass.
Happy as can be until Barry is dealt a low blow by his bride-to-be.  She wants nothing more than to dowse his arousal.  “Like trying to push a balloon into a pint glass” his girlfriend wants to call time on his pub lunch and swap main course for a smaller starter as the the main vein causing pain in her business lane.  She longs to shrink the dink and cool her lady flames.
With such a pendulous tumescence his time is up as a pleasant pleasure presence in the rudeoir.  His lady friend will bin him off for a smaller model: for something easy to park with a comfy ride, with a feeling of spaciousness when the driver’s inside:  A Japanese model may do the trick and if she doesn’t like the cut of his jib, she must avoid cutting-down his nib.
A hard decision is a-head as wifey tries to avoid the knifey and choose a small natural penis instead.
A natural hobbit rather than another John Wayne Bobbitt.

Kind regards,
Celine, Durham.

DrHamHock Says,
“Thank you for your letter, Celine.  I suggest chopping his knob off”.

Dear DrHamhock,
My boyfriend has a terribly hairy back.  It’s repulsive.  What can I do to get over this?
Your Sincerely,
Chantelle, Essex

Dr HamHock Says,
“Roaming combs over his hairy back and whispering sweet nothings will do diddly squat to your worries. Tune-in to a future of grooming when once ancient humans would pick & peck unwanted visitors from the furry neck and skin of monkey kin.  Instead of ticks and lice, be nice offering to comb or brush his rear-view bush, luring him toward your ultimate goal of owning a shaved monkey.
I hope this helps.”