Slow News Days – an old OFFS post

Slow news days get on my fucking tits. There’s no such thing as a slow news day nowadays, just a lazy journalist day. Yesterday, on the BBC News website, one of the top stories beggared belief. TOP FUCKING STORIES. It was about an old man who farts.

I kid you not. The story was about a Mr Maurice Fox who was sent a letter, banning him from farting in a Sports and Social Club. A letter. To a farty old man.

It’s what old men do. They fart. It’s not news. The jobs-worth in the Social club is not news. Unless it’s in my free local rag, or in a commercial newspaper, it’s not fucking news.

My fucking taxes paid for this lazy West Country Journalist to interview an old man who farts whom now has it in writing that he guffs. The journalist couldn’t even get the fucking Social Club to comment. What’s the goddamn point of writing the letter in the first place

Apparently he spends two days a week at the nearby Palace Place Club and has had no complaints. Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh who cares!!!! Who fucking Cares!!! Who? Who?

Apparently the BBC Journalist spends two days a week rubbing his cock instead of actually doing some state-paid journalism. Fuck me days.

I have no problem with regional programming, but if I’m paying for it? Stop taking the piss. They even sent the Tax-Fueled photographer round to take this shot.:

Hello there, I’m the news you know.
I’m old and I drop my guts.

Well done.

But wait. One of the “Top Devon Stories” as of today, is a waste of ink entitled “Cake Treat For Gorilla’s Birthday”. Wow. Thanks. NewsRound this ain’t for fuck’s sake. It’s NewsSquare and I require four sides of solid investigation with all angle at 90 degrees. Cunts.

Hey some more Devon Top News: “Navy Sex Assault Inquiry Closed…. because of lack of evidence” Great. Maybe we should demand that BBC.CO.UK/DEVON should be fucking closed due to lack of fucking facts.

Hang-on REAL NEWS…. “A 16 year old girl was hit by a bus…..her injuries are unknown, but her family have been informed.” Informed of what? Uncertainty? Unknowns?

FUCKING KNOW THE UNKNOWNS NOW!!! I BOSS YOU!!! I AM THE NEWS LORD!! FACT ME!! FACT ME!!!

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