Wolf Creek – 2005

This was one of the posters at the time. Pretty good.

That’s Kristy Earl all dressed up with nowhere to go. Although, the image below sums the film up a lot better….

“Balalalalalalalalalalalala”

It’s Mick Taylor saying “hello girls” in his special bushman way. The old charmer. Still got it Mick! Now imagine him laughing like a snorting pig. There, you’ve got it now.

Now imagine further, go deep inside your third eye, …. he’s come to fix your car, but instead of sucking his teeth and giving you a quote for ¬£800, he offers to fix it all for free…. And fix it back at “his place”. Here…have drink…light a fire….mmmmm….cosey huh? NOT FOR LONG!!!

“His Place” is not your typical ATS Euromaster. Here, the familiar green and yellow flash is replaced by an altogether redder hue, with the garage area resembling a the back-room of a rather lazy butcher’s.

Hanging the decayed corpse of your last customer on a wall is not usually the way to attract new business and when it comes to payment, Mick recreates meaty scenes from Silent Hill, stringing up the debtors and randomly firing his cock at them. While this is often very persuasive, is not great for customer satisfaction.

Mick is obviously aware of his customer-service failings and employs a team-building “Bush-Tucker Trials” with key clients. This consists of activities and awards for Firearms, Running, Knot-craft, Driving, Carving, Surgery, Escapology, Camp-Craft, Rock-Climbing, Mechanics and Crucification. After all these disciplines have been explored, the trial cumulates in a final test which requires the contestants to use these fun new skills in a “race to the road”. As you might expect, this race has a twist; the first to the road – LOSES, the runner-up LOSES, third place – WINS!!

Ahh that Mick, he’s such a joker. “Balalalalalalalalalalalala”

And any film which has the line, “Shall I cut your tits off?” gets extra marks in my book. Therefore….

Overall Score:
9 Heads-on-a-Stick out of 10

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