London 2012’s new brand and vision was launched today

“The new Olympic emblem is based on the number 2012 – the year the Games take place and includes the Olympic Rings and the word London.”
When it comes to approaching design and planning like a GCSE Design project, no-one does it better than UK.gov. Congratulations, you complete set of fucking tools.

“The same image with the Paralympic agitos is used for the London 2012 Paralympic Games – the first time the Olympic and Paralympic emblems for a Games have been based on the same core shape.”
What they are trying to say is that the athletes are different shapes to start with, often resembling a crumpled-up, incoherent and embarrassing version of the able-bodied athletes. Hence the crippled and confused looking new logo, soon to be found wandering around municipal parkland on Thursdays, rocking back-and-forth while shouting nonsense at itself, pigeons and terrified old ladies. Can we have an able-bodied logo now please?


“Available in four colours – pink, blue, green and orange – the new emblem is modern and will be dynamic, evolving in the years between now and 2012.”

Meaning that they know it’s of dog-shit and will need to sort it out well before the 2012 branded mugs, teabags and turdpaper go on sale. It’s nice we’re being shown a first draft. It’s almost like the public are being involved.


“It symbolises the Olympic spirit and the ability of the Games to inspire people to take part – not just as spectators, but as volunteers, in the Cultural Olympiad and more.”
Translation – we need some volunteer idiots to be “inspired” to undertake inspirational voluntary work such as:
a) Picking up burger wrappers.
b) Cleaning human poo off of the stadium toilet walls.
c) Fluffing the greasy oars of Team GB’s rowers.
d) Wearing a branded pack-a-mack and crying, while standing in torrential rain knowing the raindrops will hide your miserable tears, all this while 600 TV cameras point at you mockingly with studio-based sport’s commentators pissing themselves at your sad and lonely commitment to sport. A worldwide mockery in 300 languages to 1.8 Billion viewers.
e) Telling ticket holders to politely “shit-off” when asked for directions
f) Being told to “go fuck yourself” every time you politely instruct people to stop smoking / stop talking / stop standing / stop eating / stop swearing.

For those who have recently swallowed poisonous household cleaning products, or simply need a little bulimic prompting, please feel free to read the whole vomit-inducing press release here.

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3 thoughts on “London 2012’s new brand and vision was launched today

  1. dun tell you says:

    Hello, You’re hilarious. But you probably know that already. At least the emblems come in such..erm.. pretty colours.

    Like

  2. Hello,I had a patient once who ate a whole pack of Crayola crayons.His poo-poo came out in waves of colours.And oddly, these smelly-pellets came out in the correct colour order of the electromagnetic spectrum.After photographing the evidence, we subitted these images to the IOC.The rest, as they say, is history.

    Like

  3. Simon says:

    At least something good came out of the press release:‘Mayor of London Ken Livingstone commented: “The new Olympic brand draws on what London has become…”‘There was probably an ending to that sentence, but I misplaced it. Great blog.

    Like

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