Keep Eating. You Pork Sods

What an example of two beautiful little boys. How great it is to witness the polite use of napkins (most little shits nowadays would find wiping the mouth-turds on their sleeves a chore). It’s great that their parents are keeping the two of them active: the uniforms of Baseball and Basketball teams tell me they are even playing multiple sports – Even weightlifting!!!…Look at the”guns” on that rotund beefcake. God-damn! He’ll bench-press a horse with those biceps.

errr. Hang on a minute….

As far Dr Hock and his staff are concerned, this country needs more shuffling mounds of lard. And the younger the better. Nowt wrong with feeding up a Foetus. Surely you can get a McDonald’s straw up there without too much hassle. Call it a kind of “Self Cervix Restaurant”.

Only this month, the Surgery has put forward a white paper, outlining our recommendations on diet and exercise for the under twelve’s. It’s basic premise is that of making as many of the squat little butter-bastards sit on their arses for the whole of their reduced life, thus making it easier for the likes of you and I to push for higher levels of social positioning, with the ultimate goal of ruling the fat-gits like lean Kings, and creating a sub-class of roly-poly slaves.
The added incentive to this proposal is that of something we like to call “con-creation”. By swelling the idles to epic proportions from a young age, the genitalia become lost in the ebb and flow of the Fatlantic Ocean. This is bigger than Contraception, god-damn-it it’s bigger than Gryzorception. By eliminating this bland, disgusting slopping, the millions of loved-up Jelly Bellys are forced into a sick kind of Darwinism. Systematically eradicating these wobbling chompers.

What could be a worse thought than imagining, “Chucky the Fat Fuck, Fucking and then Chucking the Greasy Baby Butter into the Mutton Shutters of the Glutton Mother who Cotton Gusset has Gotten Russet and Rotten”.

It’s only a matter of time before Governments across the world start to adopt these policies, after all, the Smoking-Ban witch-hunt has driven us all underground (well, under awnings, umbrellas and next to outdoor heaters) and they’ll be after Mr and Mrs Blobby next.

Warning. Eating stops the flow of blood to the penis and can cause impotence.


3 thoughts on “Keep Eating. You Pork Sods

  1. Delmorpha says:

    Lmao… nice work, well worthy of a link in my blogroll! 😀


  2. Excellent. I think we hate the same things. Excellent blog by the way. I laughed quite a few times.


  3. Cheers Fearless. Will visit soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.


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