Scone Watch #3

General Rules of scoring
For a “level playing field” the scones need to be rated whenever they become available. At all times, everytime. The scone judge is never off-duty. Only sweet scones qualify for judging and the judge must pick the most ill-formed scone from the pile. Butter with strawberry jam are the prime veneers, marks will be lost for any other variation. Scones may be complimented with a hot beverage such as tea.

Version Tested
Standard Currant Scone.

Location
Selfridges & Co, Oxford Street.

Pro’s
Wilkins & Sons Jam.
Room temp butter and scone.
Actually quite light to eat – “stealth weight”.

Con’s
Only Marmalade & Raspberry Jams available.
“Cuntry Life Butter” – fine for Little Chefs but a points-docker in my roadside rating.
Heavy and doughy to the exterior layer.
Fruit only on the outside! No fruit inside!
Poor shape – very regular, round and even.

Overall
“Welcome to the world of the schizophrenic food. Appearing fruity, smooth and heavy from the outside, the scone was empty, light and soul-less on the inside.
The mind wanders to the beginning of the baking process: Maybe one of the currants got a bit lairy and kicked off a fight in the scone’s centre, with the rest of the spineless fruits backing-off from from the ruck, moving towards the outside walls. For safety and calm. Maybe to video the fisticuffs on their fruit-phones.
Using pre-packaged supermarket bum-scones as your benchmark is not what tourists, such as Mr Tokishi Hotaki from Japan, expect when they visit London’s historic shopping destination.

This store doesn’t sell scones, it sells boring, sweet, arse-baps.”

6 out of 10

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