“The Games Have Begun”, exclaims the email sent to me today by our idiots at Jobsearch.com. True it may be, but even catatonic netball fans in a persistent vegetative state would have noticed that Germany opened the World Cup over 16 games and six days ago, and have already won six points from two games. Tits. Bloodsucking, soulsucking recruitment tits. Actually I’d go as far to call them “cunt-wipes”. But maybe not “paedophiles”, i’ll save that for estate agents.
Jobsearch are so very late at getting on the football-train it’s embarrassing. Even New Labour beat Jobsearch to the football-wagon, and have already had a look round, put a flag or too up, stopped at the service station for a pork pie, jazz mag and a Believe-bar and now they’re on their way home (possibly for a metaphorical pie scoff, cry and wank).
“We’re making the job search process even easier for you, so why not sneak in there and snap up all the great jobs while everyone is pre-occupied!”. The JobSearch rhetoric is tireless in it’s presumption that the career minded masses just stop looking for jobs, while glamour games like Saudi Arabia Vs Tunisia are being played.
Brian Tosser, Recruitment Consultant, 23.
“Hey boss, I’ve got a great idea for a mailshot! Lets get a crap stock photo of a caser football and tell people to sneak-in to nick the good jobs. Even if the person is as useful as barbed-bogroll, they’ll be able to nick the cool jobs from talented workers. Like I did when you hired me, and, and, and, and, and, and, and. (pants like a dog)”
Larry Wipe, Recruitment Director, 41.
“It’s safe to say, you’re ideas reek of excrement to such a degree, people openly vomit on themselves during meetings. On top of that, they are so used to vomiting when in your company, both our staff and clients now have an instant pavlovian vomit reflex at all times whenever you are within earshot. My office requires a 2” layer of sawdust to keep the moisture and smell to a workable level.
You’re as big-a cunt as they come, Brian, it’s great idea! Lets do it, Cunts!”