Future Products #1

Sub heading:
“Products likely to be invented by major corporations as solutions to problems that don’t exist”.

1. A toothbrush which, ultrasonically “between brushing”, removes “millions of” “bad bacteria” lying dormant in the bristles. Because your Nan could die of if you don’t. Even though she probably hasn’t got any teeth to brush. Or working muscles in her arthritic “brush-incapable” hands.

2. A bog brush which, ultrasonically “between brushing” removes “millions of” “bad bacteria” lying dormant in the brush head. Probably a good idea really. Especially as the elderly tend to leave a lot of mesh on their “bristly poo-poker”.

3. A spray which you will use on your dishes AFTER WASHING UP to ensure that the “bad bacteria”, which lies dormant in your sink, doesn’t kill your Nan. (Bad Bacteria will be shown as a spiky/slimy computer generated blob. With an angry face. A face that might kill your Nan).

4. Anti-bacteria clothes pegs / washing lines / washing basket. For when your pregnant wife / Nan decides to lick/eat her clothes. Because “you never know when the nibbles will strike”.

5. Anti-bird flu “wipes”. Wipes specifically deigned for wiping away bird-flu. For the whole family. Not just Nan’s with budgies. Although the “budgie owners over 70yrs” will be aggressively targeted by the orange-faced umpa-lumpa promotions girls in ASDA. They’ll probably show your Nan a real dead budgie, in a hermetically sealed glass dome. The dead budgie will probably have real OAP teardrops on it and it will be clutching a 10%-off “Flu Wipe” voucher.

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